How To Watch Movies with Non-Movie Enthusiasts

I absolutely love movies. Film-watching to me is the same as finding your favorite book, snuggling up on a big couch next to a crackling fire, a big mug of hot chocolate and escaping into a world of adventure and excitement. 

Gathering as a group of friends to watch a good movie is vital bonding-time in my eyes. However, there's bad days on that planet too v

So for those who see movies as diapers in which to release your celebrity-fueled rants, then this step-by-step guide is for you...

Step 1: Condidtions

Make sure the weather is hazardous to human health. You might still want to go swimming or hiking, because renting a DVD for the night is a commitment that might overwhelm you. Besides, you don't want to look silly in front of the film-buffs. 

Step 2: Choosing the Movie

Especially in a group, this step must come before step 3. Always.

Zombie around the video store, undecided, trying to decide with everyone what film to get. Ignore the film-buff's suggestions, they are invalid because his films are too 'arty'. Take forever to choose, but rush the decision on a crappy b-movie because either everyone's impatient or the store is closing. 

Make the film-buff pay as he has credit there. 

Step 3: The Venue

Only now decide on whose house you're going to watch it at. Choose the house that either has the tiniest black and white TV screen, or the house with the death-couches that were medically designed to incur long-term spinal pains. Also make sure it's inconveniencing either the spouse, parents or neighbors by being there. 

Step 4: Supplies 

Never bring enough snacks. If you somehow do manage that, be sure the food is tasteless and comes in loud, crinkly plastic. Extra salty snacks are a great suggestion when there's nothing to wash it down with. 

Step 5: The Start

Press play and immediately launch into loud chatter about every name/face that appears in the screen. Make sure you miss the establishing plot points. Wait about 15 minutes and complain that this movie is confusing and you don't understand what's going on. Blame director. 

Step 6: The Sweet Spot

The final table-top pat-down for food (which was finished two minutes after the film began) has left the crinkly packaging silent for a few golden moments. This a where a hilarious scene or awesome action sequence sets off more loud banter as to how great this film is.

Step 7: The Finale

As the credits roll, be the first to say how rubbish the film was. Search every empty crinkly bag in hopes of more food. Then compare the film to a classic masterpiece (which this film was trying to imitate) and slam the masterpiece for being too perfect.

Totally forget about returning  the DVD and get the film-buff to pay the late fees, because it's under his name anyway. 

Home of the Kazoo

I currently work in a fast-paced music shop. I sell guitars, basses, amps, etc...pretty much anything that makes music.

This includes the slightly more obscure items too, such as mandolins, pocket-sized ukuleles and, of course, kazoos. 

For those too embarrassed to ask or too lazy to google, a kazoo is basically a pipe one hums into and a film-covered comb inside it vibrates - resulting in a sharp buzzing sound. 

Now, as a good salesperson, this is what I should have explained to the gentleman with several small children.

But sometimes the opportunity is too great. 

When he asked me, "What is a kazoo?"

I clearly explained, "It's where they keep the ka-animals."

A Serious Conversation

(This is one that works best read aloud - no naughty stuff, I promise!)

One lovely evening before we got married, my future wife, Melinda and I were on the couch simply chatting the night away, as you'd expect a boyfriend and girlfriend to do.

And little did either of us know it, but the conversation gently steered through a dense forest of serious topics: Hurtful relationships, sour friendships and poisonous family situations.

As future husband, I decided to hang onto every word to make sure she knows that I care and also that I can comfort her when it's my chance to speak again.

Then "that moment" occurred. Melinda had built the seriousness up so well that I became overly aware of it.

While we were still trundling through the forest of weighty seriousness, I could feel an urge to pull out a chainsaw and just start chopping down all the serious trees. It became overpowering.
To the point where I was no longer hanging onto every word; instead I was filtering out puns and film-references.

I felt like Spongebob and Patrick in that scene where they irresistibly have to sing the Goofy Goober song.

Melinda gritted, "Insecurity is obvious when you point out other people's flaws."

I pointed out the lounge floor, the kitchen floor, the bedroom floor...mouthing the names as I went along.

Time apparently stopped.
I looked and saw her stunned expression.

And that is all I pretty much remember.

The First Post

This is pretty much the introduction.

The famous first impression.

If I botch this up, then you will be the only one reading this. Or maybe it will just be myself reading this over and over again, thinking to myself, "Why...?"

This blog exists for a couple of simple reasons.

Firstly, ever since middle school, people have encouraged/pleaded with me to become a comedian. As flattering as that is, I cannot stand on a stage and perform stand-up comedy. My jokes are triggered by the moment: This morning, my manager messages me saying that he will be late for work as his garage door isn't opening. So I asked him if he knows the Elvish word for 'friend'.
Aaaand he didn't get the Lord of the Rings reference, which is fine, because it's still funny.
Plus it would've opened his garage door.

This will be a collection of real-life funny moments, which brings me to point number two:

Secondly, with my love of playing music, acting, creating, drawing, writing these blogs...it didn't take long to realise that I wanted to entertain people and put a smile on their faces. Sometimes at any cost.
I have chosen the path of humour in the most serious of situations and has gotten me into all kinds of trouble, but guess what? Now I can look back, share these stories and laugh even harder, knowing that I've been forgiven by my wife/boss/pastor/president...

The stories I share will be experiences from the work-place, music, movies, art, family, friends and miscellaneous.

May you enjoy them all.